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Recently, I was at my 17-year-old daughter’s dance competition, beaming with joy as she received special awards and recognition from the judges. For the third consecutive year, she achieved the highest score of her dance studio for her solo performance. Given that this year was her last year as a competitive dancer, this was certainly a bittersweet ending.

In the midst of feeling proud of my not-so-little girl’s accomplishments, I was struck by the way in which she used her strengths and authentic voice to deliver a truly powerful performance. In contrast to many fabulous dancers, my daughter does not check all the boxes of a perfect dancer. She is not very flexible and sometimes struggles with her turns. However, she has amazing musicality, precision, intensity, and authentic expression that captivates the audience.

A few years ago, she realized what she was particularly good at and invested her energy in becoming even better. She didn’t pretend to be someone she was not. She did not try to incorporate the same tricks into her dances that most others do. Instead, she fully owned and developed her strengths, which ultimately enabled her to stand out and realize her potential as dancer.

As I reflected on my daughter’s success, it reminded me just how important it is for us to understand, own and invest in our strengths. Sometimes, this can be challenging when the world is so focused on weakness-fixing. But it is only when we lean into our strengths that we can let our greatness shine through and take our performance, whether in dance, work, or life, to the next level.

I invite you to take a moment to reflect on your own strengths:

 How well do you know your strengths?

 Which of your strengths are you particularly proud of?

 What might be some new or different ways for you to leverage your strengths?

 What does owning your strengths mean to you?

If you are curious to learn more about your strengths and how you can maximize them to live your best life, check out my coaching services and programs. I would love to help you lean into your strengths.

‘Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom’ – Aristotle

Emotional self-awareness is defined in the EQ-I 2.0 assessment as the ability to recognize and understand one’s own emotions. This includes the ability to understand the cause of one’s emotions and the impact they have on one’s own thoughts and actions and those of others.

Like the quote by Aristotle suggests, self-awareness is a foundational competency required to increase emotional intelligence and show up as our best selves. Cultivating self-awareness helps one to understand what is important, what is motivating, what are one’s strengths, or what keeps one stuck. In other words, deepening self-awareness enables one to live life with intention in a way that brings greater fulfillment and well-being and strengthens relationships with others.

Research by Tasha Eurich and her team, described in the HBR article What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How To Cultivate It), reveals that most people believe that they are more self-aware than they really are. In fact, Eurich estimates that only about 10-15% of the people who participated in the study truly possess self-awareness. Like all emotional intelligence competencies, I believe that having self-awareness is not black or white, and that we all have some degree of self-awareness that may change based on the context. There may be situations in which we have greater or lesser self-awareness, so to increase emotional intelligence, it’s important to identify where our unique opportunities are for deepening self-awareness. Eurich’s research points out that we all likely have room to grow when it comes to self-awareness, thus, increasing self-awareness is a continuous learning journey for most people.

So, what can one do to deepen self-awareness? I believe that the willingness to be curious, vulnerable, and brutally honest with oneself are pre-requisites for building self-awareness in a meaningful way. We have to be willing to hold up a mirror, search within for answers and open up to feedback from others to better understand our thoughts, emotions and behaviours, and how these are perceived by people we care about. Eurich explains that there are two types of self-awareness: internal (how well you know yourself) and external (how well you understand how others see you). Both are important to increase self-awareness in a way that’s balanced with reality testing.

Here are five strategies to deepen both internal and external self-awareness:

1. Take time to reflect. Reflection requires us to pause, become curious and explore questions that can allow us to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves. Reflection is critical to the learning process and can take many forms. Reflection can occur daily, weekly, monthly or ad-hoc, depending on your goal. For example, if you are trying to gain insight into your presentation skills, you may find it helpful to reflect after a presentation and ask yourself questions such as:

 What went well?

 What could have gone better?

 What impact did I have?

 On a scale of 1 to 10, how would I rate my effectiveness?

 What can I do differently next time?

If you are working on increasing your confidence, you may want to engage in daily reflection using questions such as:

 What was a win today?

 How will I celebrate this win?

 Where is my confidence today on a scale of 1 to 10?

 What do I need to do to increase my confidence by one point?

Or, if you are trying to figure out what’s keeping you stuck, these reflection questions might help:

 What do I really want?

 What am I afraid of?

 What beliefs or assumptions do I need to let go of?

 If I could wave a magic want and have what I truly want, what would be different?

 If I ask my future self for advice on how to move forward, what will I hear?

2. Engage the whole self. Our bodies offer us much wisdom if we are willing to listen. To help gain greater self-awareness, engage your head, heart, and gut to access all of your wisdom. For example, if you need to make an important decision, ask yourself:

 What is my head saying? / What am I thinking?

 What is my heart telling me? / What am I feeling?

 What is my gut saying? / What does my intuition suggest?

3. Keep a journal. Journaling is a form of reflection, which enables awareness building by articulating thoughts and getting them out on paper. Journaling can be especially helpful if we want to understand patterns in our behaviour or work through something that may be puzzling. One can journal in a structured way, for example, to gain insight into a specific issue such as tracking our emotional triggers and responses to them over a period of time. Or, journaling can be unstructured, for example, simply writing down what is on your mind or how you are feeling.

4. Seek feedback. To strengthen external self-awareness, we need to seek feedback from others, such as trusted colleagues or our loved ones. You can seek feedback informally by asking others questions like:

 What are my key strengths?

 What can I do better?

 What should I stop, start or continue doing?

Or, you can engage in a formal feedback process by participating in a 360-degree feedback assessment. The EQ360 is a great tool for gaining insight into how our emotional intelligence is perceived by others.

5. Try a mindfulness practice. Engaging in a mindfulness practice can help us become more present and tuned into different parts of ourselves. Cultivating presence with curiosity and without judgment is key to increasing self-awareness because we need to be present to notice our thoughts, feelings and behaviours in order to shift them. Knowing where we are helps us define where we need to go, so that we can create and travel our path with intention and purpose. Check out this guided meditation by Daniel Goleman or these guided meditations from the Institute for Mindful Leadership to help you get started.

There is no one way to deepen self-awareness. The key is to find a strategy that resonates for you that you are willing to commit to or at least experiment with for a period of time. So, which strategy will you try to strengthen your self-awareness?

As the pandemic continues on, the prolonged stress associated with uncertainty of what the future holds can cause us to be more worried and anxious. This, in turn, can make us close down and disconnect from the present moment. We can forget to tune in ourselves, give full attention to our loved ones, or take pleasure in small things around us.

When we worry about the past or the future, we are not being present. And the reality is that life happens in the present – that’s the only place where we can have control over how we choose to think and behave, and the only place where we can make meaningful change.

Presence is a key coaching competency because it is a pre-requisite to being able to deeply listen to someone and engage in meaningful dialogue. Being fully present allows us to notice not only what is said but also what is not said. When we pay attention, we can observe the minor shifts in someone like a twitch in the eye or a change in tone. By sharing these observations and getting curious about what they mean, we can probe deeper, helping to bring mindful awareness to the reflection process, which can then create new insight.

Whether you are coaching someone or not, cultivating presence can help you deepen relationships with others as your presence signals to the other person that you value them as a human being. Being present also has other benefits, like being able to more fully enjoy life and achieve greater wellbeing. As Eckhart Tolle explains, the present is the gateway to peace. Surrendering to the present moment allows us to let go of unhelpful and focus our attention of what truly matters.

Here are some simple ways to cultivate presence that will help you improve your own wellbeing and your relationships with others:

1. Breathing. Focusing on your breath is a simple yet powerful way of gently directing your attention to the present. When feeling anxious or stressed, try counting slowly to 4 on the inhale and then again on the exhale. Even after a few minutes, you should feel a little calmer and more grounded.

2. Mindfulness Meditation. Mindfulness meditation practice is a way of training attention and awareness, which requires a focus on the present. Mindfulness meditation has numerous benefits including reduced rumination, stress reduction, improved ability to focus, and better emotional self-regulation. If you are new to meditation, consider trying brief guided meditations through one of the many apps available today.

3. Nature walk. Going for a walk in nature is a wonderful way to connect with the present by noticing the birds singing, the insects buzzing, and the trees swaying in the wind. Not only is going for a walk good for your mental health, it is also great for your physical health.

4. Setting an intention. What we place our attention on we get more of. One of the ways to direct our attention towards what we want is to set an intention. For example, setting an authentic intention to be more present before an important conversation with a colleague or loved on will help you stay focused on this goal.

The pandemic has forced people around the globe to rapidly adapt to change. Many of us are now working from home as well as homeschooling our children and juggling multiple other responsibilities, all the while dealing with prolonged uncertainty about the future. There is no clear delineation between work and home anymore as the previously defined lines are becoming blurred.

In some ways, this new reality is making us more human. Seeing children and pets pop in and out during conference calls reminds us that we are more than our work personas and allows us to connect with each other at a deeper level, as our ‘whole selves’. We will need to hold onto this humanity in our relationships as we recover and adapt to post-pandemic life.

Our mental models about work-life balance are shifting towards work-life integration. UC Berkeley describes work-life integration as an approach that creates synergies between all areas that define “life” such as work, home, family, community, personal well-being and health. In contrast, the concept of work-life balance implies a sense of competition between work and life.

For working parents, the challenge of trying to get work done and be there to support their children can create tension and a sense of not meeting expectations on either front. This can have a negative impact on our mental health and well-being, further diminishing our ability to be effective in the different arenas of our lives.

Now more than ever we have to be more flexible in how we achieve the optimal integration between work, family and personal life. This requires us to adjust our expectations of ourselves and others. We may have to re-align our priorities, get work done at different times of day, or perhaps reduce our workload. We may also have to let go of attachment to ‘how things used to be’ and look for new opportunities that are in front of us.

Above all, we must be compassionate, checking-in with our thoughts and emotions on a daily basis and giving ourselves permission to focus on what we need to be in balance, so that we can respond to new challenges with care and optimism.

I invite you to take a few moments and reflect on your work-life integration and see if there is anything you need to shift to be in balance:

 What does your optimal work-life integration look like?

  On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your current satisfaction with your work-life integration?

 What is within your control to improve your work-life integration?

 What helps you feel grounded?

 How might you need to adjust your routine or mindset?

 What do you need to let go of to achieve a more optimal balance?

 What is one step you can take today towards being in greater balance?

According to the International Coach Federation (ICF), coaching can be defined as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential. What this really means is that coaching aims to help people be at their best in all aspects of their lives by accessing their own wisdom and strengthening their inner resources.

A key principle in coaching is to trust the client to have the answers – they are the ultimate experts on their life and what works for them. There is no one size fits all strategy in coaching, as each person’s life experience and view of the world is unique. With this understanding, the coach’s role is to guide the client’s exploration and co-create solutions in service of the client’s goals and dreams.

Coaching is especially relevant in this time of great uncertainty, when we are being called upon to find the inner strength to remain calm and focused despite worries about our health, financial pressures, loss of control, and multiple other concerns. We need to be resourceful to adapt to the challenges of our new reality and find new and creative ways to work, learn and connect. Making space for reflection is critical to our ability to move through life with intention and be at our best, especially when our resolve is being tested.

Having a coaching conversation creates space for such reflection, where we can take a step back, identify areas where we do have some level of control, and gain perspective, so that we can be intentional about how we choose to move forward. Now more than ever, we need to find a way to take a mindful pause in order to reflect and access more of our cognitive and emotional resources. Not only will this enable us to make better decisions but will also contribute to greater well-being.

In some unexpected way, there may be hidden gifts that come out of the pandemic, such as an opportunity to reset and get reminded of what truly matters. Crises can help us uncover new possibilities and ways of seeing things that were not visible before, and it’s up to us to notice these opportunities and decide what to do with them.

Working with a coach can help you become more aware of the different perspectives and ways to be at your best, so that you can not only survive but thrive through challenging times. And if you don’t have a coach, you can try some self-coaching by taking a few minutes to reflect on the following 10 questions, and perhaps jotting down your thoughts in a journal.

 Imagine being at your best. What is that like? How are you showing up?

 On a scale of 1 to 10, where are you now in relation to ‘your best self’?

 What is your greatest challenge with this new normal?

 What are you learning about yourself during this pandemic?

 What’s most important to you right now?

 What keeps you grounded?

 How can you make more space for what really matters to you?

 What is within your control to change or influence?

 What advice would a future you give to yourself now to help you be at your best?

 What is one step you can take to be at your best more often?

These are undoubtedly trying times. A recent Angus Reid survey reveals that “half of Canadians say their mental health has gotten worse during the COVID-19 pandemic.” And given that the recovery road ahead is likely to be bumpy and lengthy, paying attention to our wellbeing and strengthening resilience has never been more important.

Each of us has a different threshold when it comes to tolerating stress. The key is to understand our own threshold, i.e. the metaphorical line beyond which we become overwhelmed, and below which we can effectively manage our stress. What is your threshold for handling stress? And what do you need to do to keep your level of stress manageable?

Here are four strategies for building resilience to remain mentally healthy and effectively manage stress. Practicing these strategies will not only help to build resilience to persevere through crisis, but will also expand capacity to handle any challenges that life may have in store.

1. Lean on your strengths. We need to leverage our strengths to help us manage in a crisis. We need to take a moment and remind ourselves of what we are good at and reflect on how we have been successful in the past at dealing with adversity and change. We can lean on these experiences to help us navigate this crisis.

 What are your greatest strengths that you can lean on?

 Think of a time in the past when you’ve faced a difficult situation. What helped you then that you can use now?

 What do you enjoy doing? How can incorporate what you enjoy into your routine?

2. Reframe your perspective. When we are under stress, we have diminished cognitive, perceptual and emotional capacity, which can cause us to have ‘tunnel vision’. To expand our capacity and resourcefulness, we need to step back and reframe our perspective, for example by looking at a situation from another’s point of view, thinking about what is working, and reflecting on the opportunity for learning.

 What’s going well? What can you be grateful for?

 If you were to step into someone else’s shoes, what would you see from their perspective?

 What is the learning or opportunity here?

 Imagine looking back at this situation after the crisis has passed. What advice would you offer to yourself from the future?

3. Practice regular self-care. As we deal with juggling multiple responsibilities and supporting our colleagues and loved ones, we have to ensure that we carve out time to take care of own wellbeing. There are numerous self-care strategies, and you probably know what works best for you. These may include going for a walk, doing yoga, meditating, reading, taking a bath, singing, drawing, dancing, connecting with a friend, listening to music, cooking, etc.

 What self-care activities help you regain balance?

 What is one small thing you can do for yourself each day to take care of your wellbeing?

 How will you ensure follow through on your commitment to self-care? Who can support you in taking care of yourself?

4. Connect with others. Social connection is an important factor that contributes to our mental wellbeing. Whether it’s spending quality time with our family, reaching out to a friend, helping a neighbour or contributing to the community, these are important ways for us to stay in touch and strengthen our connections with each other.

 What types of social connections give you energy?

 Who do you need to reach out?

 How can you offer support to others at this time?

The global disruption resulting from Covid-19 can be deeply unsettling, as the winds of change challenge our emotional and mental resilience. To help weather this storm, consider coming back to the basics: your core values. Our core values represent our fundamental beliefs, define who are we are, shape our behavior, and help us focus on what’s most important.

The Dalai Lama wisely said: “Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values”. While we have little control over the course of the pandemic, we do have control when it comes to knowing and living our values. Like the roots of a tree, our values keep us grounded and give us strength and focus. Knowing our values and honouring them in our daily life strengthens our sense of purpose, which can offer us a sense of stability during this unpredictable time.

What are your core values, and how are you choosing to honour them? Here are is an exercise to help you identify and reflect on your core values:

Step 1: Identify your top 5 core values. To help you, consider these questions:

 What brings you fulfillment?

 What do you find inspiring?

 When you are at your best, who are you being?

 What characteristics do you most admire in others?

 Think of a time you felt frustrated or angry. What values were being challenged?

Step 2: Rate the extent to which you are honouring these values. For each value, use a scale of 1-10, where 1 = very low extent and 10 = highest possible extent.

Step 3: Reflect on the results and consider your next steps. Here are some questions to support your reflection:

 What are the results telling you?

 Are you satisfied with how you are living you are values?

 Is there anything you would like to shift?

 If you were to increase the extent to which you honour one of your value, what would you be doing differently?

 Over the next few days, what is one thing you can do to live your values more fully?

Life is full of paradoxes, and living through a pandemic is no exception. As COVID-19 wreaks havoc with our health, economy, and our way of life, we are seeing fewer greenhouse gas emissions and increased air quality in many parts of the world. So, while the novel coronavirus is causing major challenges for the human population, the pandemic is having a positive effect on the environment. Whether or not this shift will be sustainable in the long run remains to be seen, but the fact remains that there are multiple sides to the same story.

The yin and yang concept that comes from Taoism tells us that dark and light forces are parts of one whole, that each half completes the other, and that we need to embrace the paradoxes in life as co-existing.

Reflecting on the yin and yang of the pandemic has reminded me that in the midst of the stress, worry and limitations imposed by our new reality, it’s important to take a moment to think about what we can be grateful for, even during these trying times. In fact, research shows that practicing gratitude is one of the ways to increase our resilience. In our family, we practice gratitude during dinner time by each of us taking a turn to share what we are grateful for. It helps us to maintain perspective even when we haven’t had a great day.

There are many ways to practice gratitude. Here are some ideas:

1. Keep a gratitude journal. Each day or week, jot down your thoughts in response to the question “What am I grateful for?”

2. Share your gratitude with someone you care about. Think of someone you love and what you appreciate about them. Then, let them know.

3. Appreciate the beauty in nature. Go for a walk and take note of the beautiful things around us: trees, flowers, birds, sky, clouds, etc.

4. Create a gratitude jar. Instead of a cookie jar, try this healthier alternative. Whenever you notice something you are grateful for, write it down on a small piece of paper and put it in the gratitude jar. You can review all the things you are grateful for when you feel down to help you shift your perspective. Or, you can decide on a fun prize when the jar is full.

5. Look for opportunities in any challenge. When faced with a difficulty or obstacle, try to think about the opportunity that this challenge is presenting. Ask yourself “What is the hidden gift in this challenge?”. Remember, there are always two sides to every coin.

At this time, people all over the world are experiencing a heightened degree of stress. It is well known that some level of stress is healthy and even necessary for us to be motivated and get things done more efficiently. However, according to Richard Boyatzis, a distinguished professor of organizational behavior at Case Western University, too much stress or chronic stress can cause cognitive, perceptual and emotional impairment as the body tries to protect itself by closing down.

One strategy that can help people manage stress and self-regulate is to simply label our emotions. Susan David explains that this can help us to ‘step out’ and insert a pause between a stimulus and our response to it, which can help us better control our impulses and mindfully respond to a situation rather than automatically react to it.

So, next time you are feeling stressed, follow these steps to name your emotion and choose your response. Afterall, you are the one who is in control of your own emotions.

1. Identify and name the precise emotion you are experiencing. For example, are you feeling anxious, worried, upset, impatient, annoyed or frustrated? Use these questions to guide your reflection:

 What is the emotion I am experiencing right now?

 Where do I feel this emotion in my body?

 What does this emotion feel, look and sound like?

2. Acknowledge this emotion without judgment and become curious about it. Use these questions to guide your reflection:

 What has triggered this emotion?

 What is this emotion telling me?

 What is the learning here?

3. Decide what action you will take. For example let go, re-focus your attention on something that brings you joy, or change something that is within your control. Use these questions to guide your reflection:

 What is most important right now?

 If I look at this situation from someone else’s perspective, what will I see?

 What might more optimal balance look like? What do I need to do to get there?

We are experiencing a truly unprecedented time in our history, created by the COVID-19 pandemic. As countries are on lock-down, children are out of school, and many people are working from home, technology is becoming ever-more important in our lives. It’s allowing us to stay connected and continue to work and learn while practicing social distancing. While being on FaceTime or Skype is not the quite same as being in the room with someone, it’s a pretty good alternative.

As the famous saying goes, “Necessity is the mother of invention”, and COVID-19 is a disruptor that is challenging our various mental models, including those related to learning. Even though digital learning has been on the rise for some time, I think that COVID-19 is going to accelerate the pace, not so gently nudging us all to get on board with learning virtually.

This is a challenge not only for L&D professionals, but also for employers and learners. We all need to work and learn differently, and this requires that we let go of our old paradigms and adapt to the new reality. This will allow us to not only survive but thrive in this environment.

I was recently involved at my organization in creating a blended learning leadership development program, part of which included a highly interactive and experiential face-to-face workshop. Having witnessed the depth of connection, vulnerability and reflection that occurred for the participants in the room, I really wondered if it’s ever possible to create such rich experience virtually. I would like to think that it is, and I’m challenging myself to work on figuring out how to make it possible.

What design principles and technologies are required to create strong social connections and encourage deep reflection in a virtual environment? What’s an ideal structure and length of learning modules? How do we facilitate practical exercises and observe participants in action? How do we ensure transfer of learning?

Beyond the technical considerations, and perhaps more importantly, what beliefs and mindsets need to shift? What new habits do we need to build? What limiting assumptions do we need to let go of? What new opportunities do we need to embrace?

I’m finding myself letting go of structure associated with face-to-face learning as a full-day or several days-long event, and instead creating a mix of self-directed learning, online discussion boards, webinars and group or team coaching, spread over a period of time. I think this creates opportunities to engage learners in a variety of ways and allow space to internalize and share the learning. Perhaps this can result in an even more effective transfer of learning to the workplace? And, let’s not forget, we can be more socially responsible by leveraging digital learning!

Up until this point, digital learning seems to have been one option among several. Now, it doesn’t seem to be optional anymore, if we are to continue to learn, grow and thrive during and beyond the pandemic.

What about you? What do you find challenging or rewarding about digital learning, as a creator or participant? What do you need to embrace or let go of?